Good afternoon.
Today I feel
lil'bit pain.
My mind suddenly
jumped into memories when I'm 20 .
Yes, that time.
The age when I've
got so much trouble in my life.
The age when I got
my helper fairy, altogether with loyal haters.
The age when I feel
my heart's beating, my cheek's blushing, my smile's blooming.
The age when I live
my life with happy,but trully it mean being started to spend my life with a lot of tears.
2 years has been
passed.
But occasionaly It's
still hurt.
I always chuck my
bosom when I remember all of my memories on it.
I often think, all
of this happened for a reason, exactly. When I think deeply, I realize.. Perhaps, I have not a good
instead of perfect manner in some people's sight.
Occasionaly, I
frightened to be hated, being judged, or to say something cause maybe my word
can hurt somebody's feelings.
I'm 22, nowadays..
I'm confess I feel soooooo stupid and totally ashamed when I remember all of my
attitude in the past, especially in 20. How come? Yes, I know I can't think
twice, can't guess react before I act, Can't take a deep breath before confronting
a problem, can't solve a problem wisely.
I ever heard and
read so many message from someone, 'she' curse me, 'she' judge me, and 'she' called me "adik yang
manja", 'she' also said I'm childish. I never know her before, but 'she'
suddenly come into my life and and proclaim that 'she' definetely hate me.
Everyone in this
world will certainly have a problem..
But do not ever
think that God give you problem because He hates you, it because He loves you.
Problem is part of
maturation process, and these probably should pass with some painful things
I really
dissapointed to my self. I think I'm failed to pass one big important process
in my lifetime when I' m starting my life in 20 years : being mature.
Life is balance. And
its a laws of nature.
There is a girl,
theres a boy.
Theres a friend,
theres a foe.
Theres a black,
theres a white.
Theres a love,
theres a hate
And i knooow, life
in this world won't be as easy as turning your palm around.
When i have a lover,
i will have two haters..
Being hated is a
disaster, completely with gift..
Why we called it as
gift? because It such a form of
attention from God to us. From that, we get chance to learn and correcting
what's wrong with ourself and also train ourself to get a stronger personality.
And why it called
disaster? All the problems will become a disaster if we take wrong steps to confronting someone's hatred.
And it would give a long impact for our lifetime. Seriously!
When someone hate
us, whatever you do though its really good to do, they will never give a chance
to confess what we already do is good. Always negative!
they only see what
they want to see. They form negative thoughts about you, and they convince
themselves that they are fact.
Finally when i'm 22.
Someone give me a wonderful advice. And it feels like i'm being slapped.
Apa yang kamu harus lakuin adalah tetep jadi diri
kamu sendiri. Kalau ada yang bilang kamu kaya gini kaya gitu, kamu tinggal
tunjukkin kalo kamu ngga kaya gitu. The more you focus on someone's negative
opinion, the more power you give it and it can begin to seem real. Orang yang benci sama kamu Cuma bakal nyari-nyari
kesalahan kamu aja dan ngehasut orang lain supaya ikutan benci sama kamu. Aku
juga bisa bilang kaya gini karena aku udah ngalamin sendiri dikatain gila,
jahat, ga punya perasaan, dlsb. Tau sendiri kan kamu? Tapi karena aku ngga
ngerasa kaya gitu, aku tinggal buktiin sama orang-orang- yang denger cerita aku
yang jelek-jelek- kalo aku ngga kaya
gitu.
From that moment on,
my biggest regret ever being started..
I'm thoughful.. What
I ever wrote in my old blog probably just make she - another person- more hate me.
Yes, I know she did.
Hemm.. Life is
always full of choices, and I prefer
apologize to keep silent and stay tune.
If she will
constantly keep her hatred to me, that's her own choice. I can do nothing :|
If only someone
that i mean finally read this page..
I know you hate me.
Your brother and your sister have talked it to me.
I'm not blaming you, I'm not hate you. I realize It's all my fault.
I ever visited and
read all your pages on your blog . But it doest mean I'm stalking.
I have a reason and
your brother know it.
I'm not good person,
I have a bad attitude, and surely I have nothing to be proud of.
I might disturbing
or annoying you, you might hate me or maybe you disgust to me.
I really
apologize for all my bad behaviour, my poor personality, for my childish act, for all the things you
hate about me, and also for all stories you have heard.
I never suppose to
make you hate me..
Why I decided to
write this down here?
It's not about
tacky, afraid, or coward..
But it seems i have
no way to apologizing directly.
Not about unwilling,
not about frightened, not think about, I just look at the reality.
I'm not sure you
want to meet up with me. .
I wish, but I do not
assert. But if someday i get the chance to do what I have to do, I promise I'll
do.
For my helper fairy.
Thank you for teach
me a lot. Thanks for slapping me with your great advice.
I released you to
back and become a jungle fairy :D
Always be a great
brother to your lovely sister :)
Have a good own life . Let's meet in another
dimension, someday :')
Last but not least.
For her
('she'), who called me "adik yang
manja"
Washbir
'alaa maa yaquuluuna wahjurhum hajran jamiilaa. :)