Dear you, please read this :)

Good afternoon.

Today I feel lil'bit pain.

My mind suddenly jumped into memories when I'm 20 .

Yes, that time.

The age when I've got so much trouble in my life.

The age when I got my helper fairy, altogether with loyal haters.

The age when I feel my heart's beating, my cheek's blushing, my smile's blooming.

The age when I live my life with happy,but trully it mean being started  to spend my life with a lot of tears.

2 years has been passed.

But occasionaly It's still hurt.

I always chuck my bosom when I remember all of my memories on it.

I often think, all of this happened for a reason, exactly. When I think deeply,  I realize.. Perhaps, I have not a good instead of perfect manner in some people's sight.

Occasionaly, I frightened to be hated, being judged, or to say something cause maybe my word can hurt somebody's feelings.

I'm 22, nowadays.. I'm confess I feel soooooo stupid and totally ashamed when I remember all of my attitude in the past, especially in 20. How come? Yes, I know I can't think twice, can't guess react before I act, Can't take a deep breath before confronting a problem, can't solve a problem wisely.

I ever heard and read so many message from someone, 'she' curse me, 'she' judge me,  and 'she' called me "adik yang manja", 'she' also said I'm childish. I never know her before, but 'she' suddenly come into my life and and proclaim that  'she' definetely hate me.

Everyone in this world will certainly have a problem..

But do not ever think that God give you problem because He hates you, it because He loves you.

Problem is part of maturation process, and these probably should pass with some painful things

I really dissapointed to my self. I think I'm failed to pass one big important process in my lifetime when I' m starting my life in 20 years : being mature.

Life is balance. And its a laws of nature.

There is a girl, theres a boy.

Theres a friend, theres a foe.

Theres a black, theres a white.

Theres a love, theres a hate

And i knooow, life in this world won't be as easy as turning your palm around.

When i have a lover, i will have two haters..

Being hated is a disaster, completely with  gift..

Why we called it as gift? because  It such a form of attention from God to us. From that, we get chance to learn and correcting what's wrong with ourself and also train ourself to get a stronger personality.

And why it called disaster? All the problems will become a disaster if we take  wrong steps to confronting someone's hatred. And it would give a long impact for our lifetime. Seriously!

When someone hate us, whatever you do though its really good to do, they will never give a chance to confess what we already do is good. Always negative!

they only see what they want to see. They form negative thoughts about you, and they convince themselves that they are fact.

Finally when i'm 22. Someone give me a wonderful advice. And it feels like i'm being slapped.

Apa yang kamu harus lakuin adalah tetep jadi diri kamu sendiri. Kalau ada yang bilang kamu kaya gini kaya gitu, kamu tinggal tunjukkin kalo kamu ngga kaya gitu. The more you focus on someone's negative opinion, the more power you give it and it can begin to seem real. Orang yang benci sama kamu Cuma bakal nyari-nyari kesalahan kamu aja dan ngehasut orang lain supaya ikutan benci sama kamu. Aku juga bisa bilang kaya gini karena aku udah ngalamin sendiri dikatain gila, jahat, ga punya perasaan, dlsb. Tau sendiri kan kamu? Tapi karena aku ngga ngerasa kaya gitu, aku tinggal buktiin sama orang-orang- yang denger cerita aku yang jelek-jelek-  kalo aku ngga kaya gitu.

From that moment on, my biggest regret ever being started..

I'm thoughful.. What I ever wrote in my old blog probably just make she - another person- more hate me.

Yes, I know she did.

Hemm.. Life is always full of choices, and I  prefer apologize to keep silent and stay tune.

If she will constantly keep her hatred to me, that's her own choice. I can do nothing :|

If only someone that  i mean finally read this page..

I know you hate me. Your brother and your sister have talked it to me.

I'm not blaming you, I'm not hate you. I realize It's all my fault.

I ever visited and read all your pages on your blog . But it doest mean I'm stalking.

I have a reason and your brother know it.

I'm not good person, I have a bad attitude, and surely I have nothing to be proud of.

I might disturbing or annoying you, you might hate me or maybe you disgust to me.

I really apologize for all my bad behaviour, my poor personality, for my childish act, for all the things you hate about me, and also for all stories you have heard.

I never suppose to make you hate me..

Why I decided to write this down here?

It's not about tacky, afraid, or coward..

But it seems i have no way to apologizing directly.

Not about unwilling, not about frightened, not think about, I just look at the reality.

I'm not sure you want to meet up with me. .

I wish, but I do not assert. But if someday i get the chance to do what I have to do, I promise I'll do.

For my helper fairy.

Thank you for teach me a lot. Thanks for slapping me with your great advice.

I released you to back and become a jungle fairy :D

Always be a great brother to your lovely sister :)

Have  a good own life . Let's meet in another dimension, someday :')

Last but not least.

For her ('she'),  who called me "adik yang manja"

Washbir 'alaa maa yaquuluuna wahjurhum hajran jamiilaa. :)